Dylanism

Chapter 6 - The Friend Zone / Chapter 7 - Things that really piss me off
Introduction/Chapter 1
Chapter 2 - Laws
Chapter 3 - Music
Chapter 4 - Advise / Chapter 5 - Love
Chapter 6 - The Friend Zone / Chapter 7 - Things that really piss me off
Chapter 8 - Some Of My Favorite Words and Expressions / Chapter 9 - The Problem With Girls
Chapter 10 - Ways in Which I Would Change The World
Chapter 11 - Random Hook-Ups and Handicaped People

Anyone who goes to Binghamton University knows this situation.  A guy who has no skills with women, or very little, thinks that it might be a good idea to become friends with a girl he likes so he can get close to her.  Sounds good.  In a perfect world this would work.  But Dylanism forsees this as a huge problem.  Once you enter the “Friend Zone” the girl who you are after thinks of you as sort of a brother, nothing close to someone she wants to snuggle up with by a warm fire, with some hot apple cider spiked with Captain Morgan’s private stock Puerto Rican spiced rum, while you rub her back and smell her hair, thinking only of how much you just want to jump her bones….  Sorry.  Well anyway, once this line has been crossed, you have no chance what so every of getting your hand in the cookie jar.  It would be considered incest, which is ok in Alabama but not in Dylanism, which is not legal at all because Alabama is not a state in Dylanism.  It is simply a place to write songs about and send people like Mike Tyson to. 

There is only one way to get out of the black hole known as the friend zone, and its called a threesome.  This can only be pulled off by a mere genius though, which is usually a problem because people that allow themselves to get into the friend zone with someone they want are dumbasses anyway.  But if the occasion does arise, here is how it works.  When you meet one of the targeted girls friends that comes off as rather loose, or slutty as you may have it, your first mission is to get the three of you really wasted.  The rest is self-explanatory. 

            The other thing is that the show Scooby-Doo is totally engineered for potheads.  Fred is always getting laid by Daphnie and Shaggy and Scooby are always ripped, this is obvious cause they always have the muchies.  There are tons of other clues but it is funnier (see I told you that funnier is a word, there is no red underline under it) to figure them out yourselves.  Plus it gives you a reason to get really fucked up. 

Chapter 7 - Things that really piss me off

Not that I haven’t written about anything that pisses me off yet, but I just thought that it would make a cool chapter.

Work pisses me off.  Because no matter how high you sleep up the corporate ladder, there is always someone higher.  I mean, there is no title of World Boss or CEO of the world, cause if there was, I should have been nominated by now.

People with no teeth piss me off too.  Especially (dirty grocery store) ones who work at food places.

The fact that grocery stores don’t give out free samples any more kind of makes me angry.  That was the only reason I liked to shop.  How am I supposed to know if I want to try those little spam eggrolls if I can’t taste them.  There has to be some obese black lady with a hairnet and bad breath telling me to trust her in order for me to have the courage to try them.  Plus when your in college and you need food, it’s a no brainer.

Counting how much you had to drink is also really stupid.  Everyone knows, no one cares, and just drink till your sloshed. 

I hate driving when people on the road don’t know how to drive.  On a highway its proper to use the left lanes, AKA fast lanes, to pass and/or drive really fast.  Some people don’t understand this concept because they think its fine to do about 50 in the utmost left lane.  Even when there is no one else on the road some people still just sit there.  I can’t handle this.  Now a day everyone is making a big deal about road rage and all that crap.  The only reason road rage exists is because those people that don’t have any and complain about it, cause it by not having a clue on how to drive!  God damn!  If you make me late to work because you don’t know how to drive and I have a gun in my glove box, you’d better believe I might think about using it.

Having a gun in your glove box is not such a bad thing anymore.  Today the world wants everyone to either not have a gun or just be safe with them.  That’s not America.  There would be no America if there weren’t guns.  Basically that is what our country is based on.  How would we have gotten the fucking English out in the late 1700’s if we all had trigger locks or 5 day waiting periods.  The only difference is that back then, people weren’t so stupid.  If you had a gun, you taught your kid that it wasn’t too smart to point it at your head and pull the trigger.  And people back then had more common sense too.  If you got pissed off at someone you flat out punched them in the head and it was over.  Maybe you got your ass kicked and maybe you didn’t.  That was the fun of it.  Now a days people just shoot each other when they have a problem.  That’s just dumb.  The only good thing about that is that maybe we should give all the black people in the cities guns and let them cancel each other out.  Sooner or later they will kill each other off.

People are stupid.  I can’t stress this enough.  Sometimes I can’t even fathom the sheer idiocy that some people posses.  But not all people are dumb, just the ones that make dumb decisions and have dumb ideas.

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By Dylan